------------------ Gwendolyn.Me : December 2013

Wednesday, 25 December 2013

How fights get started.

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...


I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...


My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........


I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.

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Wednesday, 18 December 2013

18/12/2013 Dislike being sick

Being sick on the 6th day.

I admit, I have been slacking on taking care with my hair. Need to put in more time so I can has nice hair.

After one day of resting. Its back to work!!

“Yes, I am still keeping the positive energy every morning I wake up. The best part is putting on my make up and giving myself thr boost of confidence. ”

Came back from meeting today. And guess what arrived today!!!! I was so happy I could jump around when I saw it on my table when I came back. Buahahahahaha.

To be honest, I was upset that watsons has discontinued carrying natures & co. Kose counters dont sell them either even though they ARE under kose. So sad.. but oh well. I got these for rm100 when it originally retails at 80 per tub. (There was a clearance sale at hishop)

Today, I had an upset moment. Now thinking and typing it is bringing back the emotions. My macbook has crashed on me. I am so sad! This means money to fix it. *le-sigh. Why????

Then!!! I dropped my phone twice!!!! I was walking and typing. And it somehow slipped out my hand. Can you believe it!!! I had a wtf moment. Then when I picked it up and stood up, it fell again!!! Walao!!!! As if the phone jumped out of my hands.

When I picked it up... I saw green lines all over my screen. I was thinking

“Fuck!!! Fuck fuck. Dont tell me screen problem and can't use it anymore or what shit not. ”

I immediately yanked the battery out and force restart it.. the min I saw the samsung logo I was relieved... but.... its laggy now. So fuck. Dont know if anything went lose.

Today something funny happened.

I went to midvalley/gardens to try to drop my mac at the apple store which was a failure. But thats another story. So I was there....

While walking past the lower ground floor. I saw two girls that were coming from my opposite direction. One looked at me and started poking her friend.. and as I walked passed I heard her going

“Oi! Oi! Oi! Is that... ... ... ... ”

But I didnt turn back cause I was kinda in a hurry to deposit a cheque and wasnt sure if I could. Mayne they mistaken me for someone. I dont know. It wasn't until when I left almost an hour and half later. As I was walking towards the escalator to the car... I saw the two girls again. This time with another two girls. So its four...

Well, im not sure if they really think its me. Or mistaken it for someone else. LOL.

But it was just funny.

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